World Cup: Group A Breakdown

Once again the World Cup is upon us, and once again the indispensable Dick Valentine is offering his invaluable insights into The Beautiful Game.

In his first QATARI NIGHTSSSSSS!!!!TM post, he breaks down Group A. After about 600 words, he predicts Nederland and Senegal to advance.

Here is my rebuttal:

It is an absolute crime against humanity that The World Cup is being played in (Welcome Back,) QATAR, so let me break down the crime advisories of each country in “Group EH”.

NEDERLAND: Fake cops prowl the streets and ask foreigners for their papers. The CDN govt advises telling these people to fuck off.1


(Welcome Back,) QATAR: What hasn’t been said already about Qatar? I’ll just repeat something from a government of Canada website:

“Foreign women have been detained and accused of extramarital sex after reporting sexual assault.”2

ECUADOR: Groups of street children distract foreigners by selling candy while members of their squad pick your pockets.3

This shows the entrepreneurial spirit and a lust for life. If i am an American scout looking to recommend people to recruit as potential citizens, this gets my attention.

It should come as no surprise then that Uncle Sam offered a hand to the Ecuadorian people when they were hit particularly hard by COVID, donating millions of doses of vaccines and hundreds of life-saving ventilators4.

SENEGAL: The classic “thieves on motorcycles” routine runs rampant here. i never got into the whole Bond thing, and there is a decent chance of being the victim of a home invasion if you live there to boot.

PREDICTION: Fake Cops and Kids Selling Candy advance.


1 https://travel.gc.ca/destinations/netherlands

2 https://travel.gc.ca/destinations/qatar

3 https://travel.gc.ca/destinations/ecuador

4 https://www.state.gov/u-s-relations-with-ecuador/

5 https://travel.gc.ca/destinations/senegal

*Featured image from https://www.al-monitor.com/originals/2017/03/qayarrah-isis-iraq-football-oil-displaced.html

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