The NY Times recently published an interactive magazine article entitled The 30 Greatest Living American Songwriters. I was surprised to learn that Mariah Carey writes her own songs, including 18 of her 19 number one songs.
The Times also published an accompanying article, inviting readers to vote for up to 10 people readers consider to be the greatest living American songwriters. There was also space for 200 words on the form, explaining why you chose the songwriters you did.
Naturally Jello Biafra was not included in the Times’ list of The 30 Greatest Living American Songwriters, and also naturally I submitted 200 words explaining why the owner of the Alternative Tentacles record label, former frontman for Dead Kennedys and current prime mover behind the Guantanamo School of Medicine should be included.
My submission to the Times is below. I could have easily written 2000 words instead of 200, so much was left out, including personal stories. For example, I didn’t mention that my dad, who was terrified of flying, had a very good laugh while reading People magazine’s review of the Dead Kennedys’ album Frankenchrist, especially the line:
In lonely gas stations with minimarts You’ll find rows of them for sale: Liquor-filled statues of Elvis Presley Screw his head off and drink like a vampire His disciples flock to such a fitting shrine Sprawled across from his ghastly mansion A shopping mall filled with prayer rugs and Elvis dolls
And I wonder, yeah, I wonder Will Elvis take the place of Jesus in a thousand years?
I wasn’t able to VOTE FOR JELLO when he ran for Mayor of San Francisco, and voting for him as one of The 30 Greatest Living American Songwriters doesn’t make up for that, but here is what I put on my ballot.
Oh! But before we get to that, here is part of Jello’s platform from his mayoral campaign (he finished 4th with 3.79% of the vote):
Requiring businessmen to wear clown suits within city limits
Holding elections in which police would be voted into office by the neighborhoods they patrolled
Tearing down Pier 39
Legalizing squatting in vacant, tax-delinquent buildings
Paying the unemployed to panhandle in wealthy neighborhoods
Banning cars citywide, and
Erecting a statue of Dan White (who assassinated former Mayor George Moscone and Sup. Harvey Milk the previous year) and having the parks department sell eggs, stones, and tomatoes with which to pelt it.
Jello Biafra is best known as the frontman of Dead Kennedys, but he has been prolific since the band dissolved, recording music across various genres with many legendary musicians.
From New Orleans-style “raunch and soul” to country to industry, and of course, more intelligent, scathing punk, Biafra has remained one of America’s most vital songwriters for 50 years.
Jello reworked a Phil Ochs folk song on a country album he did with Mojo Nixon. He’s also released fantastic industrial music with Ministry’s Al Jourgensen.
How many American songwriters can work authentically in so many genres?
In 1999, Biafra formed a one-off supergroup that included Kim Thayil (Soundgarden) and Krist Novoselic (Nirvana) called NO WTO COMBO. The song titles alone sum up 2026:
Let’s Lynch the Landlord
New Feudalism
Electronic Plantation
Full Metal Jackoff
Jello has been assaulted for his work, sued multiple times, and recently suffered a stroke, but he remains a vibrant, anti-corporate, think-for-yourself, AMERICAN songwriter:
Holiday in Cambodia
Stars and Stripes of Corruption
Pull My Strings
Kill the Poor
Trust Your Mechanic
Government Flu
The Power of Lard
Love Me, I’m a Liberal
Drug Raid at 4am
Nazi Punks Fuck Off
Bleed for Me
Too Drunk to Fuck
Appendix (TFYQA):
One of the things I wish I would have included in my submission was that Biafra doesn’t tell people how to think, he encourages people to think for themselves, as an actual person, unbrainwashed by Corporate Culture and Corporate Media.
I had a hippy friend in high school who loved TFYQA which meant “Think for Yourself and Question Authority“.
Few things infuriate me more than people saying “I can’t wait to see what SNL does with this!” after a big news event happening.
Bragging that you can’t think for yourself and are part of the “amusing ourselves to death” problem?
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