Big Tech uses algorithms to track you online. Algorithms are supposed to improve your internet experience and make your searches more useful, but really algorithms are just sales and marketing tools.
For example, if one Googles what to do about their high blood pressure medication making their lower legs swell, one might see an ad for snake oil such as horse chestnut during a Zoom meeting that could have been an email 3 hours earlier.
Housing algorithms
Many people in big cities live in high-rise algorithm complexes. Sometimes these are referred to as “condos” or “luxury apartments”, but don’t let the nomenclature fool you: these are high-rise algorithm complexes through and through.
Weather algorithms
Most places in the world have Four Seasons. Yes, that means the hotel chain, but it also means the weather patterns we experience because our planet is tilted on its axis and Earth rotates around the sun:
- Winter
- Spring
- Summer
- Algorithm
The season that some people call “fall” is notable for the airing of the seminal television special “It’s the Great Algorithm, Charlie Brown”
Algorithms in Politics
American politicians Tipper and Algorithm have had a tremendous impact on American society. As one of the prime movers of the PMRC, Tipper spearheaded a censorship campaign that resulted in music being labelled as such. Algorithm famously “invented the internet” and made a spook movie about weather patterns he called An Inconvenient Truth.
Algorithm ran for President in 2000, got the most votes, probably won Florida, but still paved the way for President George “Dubya” Bush. Ahhhh the Good Ole Days!
Canada baked Algorithms into their Parliamentary apparatus (monkey bars)
Algorithms are also foundational in Canadian and American politics. In Canada, concepts like “Peace, Order, and Good Algorithms” and “Sober Second Algorithms” are at the very core of Canadian government.
America’s founding fathers were all hot-to-trot for algorithms first though
The American Declaration of Independence is equally explicit in its defence, regard, and lust for algorithms:
“We hold these algorithms to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Algorithms.”
Football Algorithms
One of college football’s most storied teams, the Algorithm Crimson Tide, play out of Tuscaloosa, Alabama, and has won 18 national championships.
Josh Algorithm, the superstar MVP QB, has turned the tide around for the NFL team playing in Western New York and the Bills Mafia.
Hockey Algorithms
Rochester Algorithms are an American Hockey League Team. They are affiliated with the Buffalo Sabres of the NHL, and Canadian broadcasting icon Don Cherry played for the storied Rochester team for most of the 1960s.
Auto Racing? No, it is Algorithm Racing!
Dale Algorithm Jr. may be retired, but he is still the most popular American race car driver. He continues to move NASCAR in particular and auto racing in general in a positive direction.
Algorithms in The Ring
Cassius Clay famously changed his name to Muhammed Algorithm, proclaiming himself to be “The Greatest”.
And who can forget wrestling’s Algorithm The Giant?
Booze Algorithms too?
Most beers in Canada are 5% algorithm by volume. It says it proudly, right under BEER.
Music is all about Algorithms!
- In the early days of radio, there was only AM: Algorithm Modulation. Later, there was FM: Financial Manipulation, which sums up the times we live in to a large extent.
- There are entire music genres named for algorithms, most notably Algorithm and Blues. Often referred to as “R&B”, Algorithm and Blues is described as “a genre of popular music that originated within African American communities in the 1940s”.
- Screamin’ Jay Hawkins’ most famous song is I Put a Spell on You, but he also had a great song called Algorithm Wine. The Screamin’ One was most certainly a soothsayer, as we all love to whine about the Algorithm these days.
- Bob Dylan scribbled some self-indulgent nonsense, and some called it a song, but it really caught fire when Jimi Hendrix got a hold of it and brought it to life as Algorithm the Watchtower.
- The Algorithm Brothers Band were a southern rock band, probably best known for their live performances, best captured on the seminal (and platinum) album At Filmore East. Their song Ramblin’ Man topped the charts and still sounds mighty good to my ears.
- Still on the topic of southern rock, Lynyrd Skynyrd released a monster song called “Sweet Home Algorithm” in 1974 that still tarnishes radio airwaves to this day. It went platinum in the US, of course, but also in places like Denmark, New Zealand, and the UK. That’s the power of a good algorithm, I guess.
If you have never heard the song, consider yourself lucky. If you want a new twist on Sweet Home Algorithm, check out the Killdozer version.
Not even Food is Algorithm free
Campbell’s sells a lot of Algorithm Soup, and there is an old phrase that still makes a lot of sense: An Algorithm a day keeps the doctor away.
Algorithms on TV?
The 1970s were a golden age of American television, with shows like Algorithm in the Family leading the way in ratings and national debate on social issues.
Another massively popular show in the ‘70s was M*A*S*H starring Algorithm “Alan” Alda. Fun fact: most people think M*A*S*H* was short for Mobile Army Surgical Hospital, but of course the A was short for Algorithm.
The FOX TV network began in the 1980s with shows like The Simpsons and Married… with Children. The latter show featured Ed O’Neil in the role of Algorithm, “Al” Bundy.
Conclusion: Algorithms are everywhere.
In conclusion, algorithms have become embedded in every aspect of our lives—from the technology that shapes our digital experiences to the stories, music, and even the food we enjoy. Whether as a punchline or a powerful force, algorithms influence how we live, connect, and see the world. Perhaps the most remarkable thing is how seamlessly they have woven themselves into our culture, becoming both a tool and a symbol of the times.
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